Thursday, June 23, 2011

IKEA Fabric Giveaway- Closed

I love IKEA fabrics. The children's prints are so cute and, as with most of their textiles, you can wash them on hot. A few of their mini-bolts have made it into my stash. They're just sitting there. So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to give two winners three one-yard cuts of each.

All you have to do is leave a joke for a comment. Winners will be chosen by me, so make it funny!

US only, please. Closes this Thursday, July 1.


Melinda said...

I was searching for a quilt joke so here you go:
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered,
'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said,'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'

Lee said...

Science geeks in my house so here is my joke -
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender what do I owe you? The bartender responds For you.. No charge!

Allison said...

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

Ummmm...gummy bears....

Marcia W. said...

My blonde niece sent me this joke.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving to go find a bull, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I
decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister is a blonde. The word is big."
She'll read it very slowly...

anne said...

I have a five year old, so we have simple jokes at my house. They are also funny. He loves to make people laugh. Then we laugh even more when we see his reaction.

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

Beth said...

Here is my favorite joke, handed down from my father-in-law:

A man comes home and is shocked to find a rabbit taking a nap inside his refrigerator. The rabbit wakes up when the door is opened, and rubs his eyes from the bright light of the bulb, but doesn't seem at all embarrassed to be found in the fridge.

"What are you doing here?" the man demands. "Why are you sleeping in my refrigerator?"

"Isn't this a Westinghouse?", the rabbit asks.

"Yes..." the man says, uncertain what that has to do with anything.

"Well", says the rabbit, "I'm westing!"


Thanks for the giveaway.

wordygirl at earthlink dot net

annabelle g said...

This is my 5yr olds fav one to tell and it makes us smile everytime.

How do ducks fly?

they just wing it


Thanks for sharing such cute fabrics!

robin said...

Here's a groaner - Why didn't the lobster share?

It was shellfish. Ha. Ha. Ha. ???

Tasha said...

Thanks for the opportunity and here's a little tip I thought was funny when I saw it.

"Man who eats many prunes get good run for money."

Lindsay Conner said...

What time is your dentist appointment? (Tooth hurty...get it--2:30?)

Deborah in Atlanta said...

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!

~The Bargain Babe said...

After a fishing trip, my one friend says "Yes we caught some bass and some immature bluegill."

His son in law says "How do you know it was immature? Did it tell fart jokes?"


Thanks for a chance to win!

~Niki~ said...

My autistic son loves his own joke:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: To cross the road. The boy just doesn't get jokes. LOL. however, I think it's a good joke, because he's a pill. a joker in his own way. He does not understand humor. but we love him just the same.
love that fabric! i did not realize ikea sold fabric! might have to look at ours for some! thanks for the chance. ;)

Stray Stitches said...

This is an oldie and not so funny but here it goes: Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Well, you don't have to cry about it.

I know, I'm hanging my head in shame but it's the best I could come up with :(

Amy said...

Ok so the joke my 7 year old tells everyone should go :
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
However, it has yet to be told right. After fumbling through it a few times it's always "Mama, whisper to me how it goes.". That part makes me laugh every time.

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

School Daze
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

christy said...

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

Vroomans' Quilts said...

What is green, has four legs and two trunks?

Two seasick tourists!

Love the vegie print!

JuneBug said...

We specialize in kids' level jokes... Here's one made up by Lili's friend Quinn...

What's a chicken's favorite vegetable?


marth225 said...

She learned to quilt on Monday.
Her stitches all were very fine.
She forgot to thaw out dinner.
so we went out to dine.

She quilted miniatures on Tuesday.
she says they are a must.
They really were quite lovely.
But she forgot to dust.

On Wednesday it was a sampler.
She says stippling's fun.
What highlights! What Shadows!
But the laundry wasn't done.

Nine patches were on Thursday -
Green, yellow, blue and red.
I guess she really was engrossed;
She never made the bed.

It was wall hangings on Friday,
In colors she adores.
It never bothered her at all,
That crumbs were on the floors.

I found a maid on Saturday,
My week is now complete.
My wife can quilt the hours away;
The house will still be neat.

Well, now it's only Sunday,
I think I'm about to wilt.
I cursed, I raved, I ranted,
Cause the MAID has learned to QUILT!

I found this on the net and it so describes my life

Hilachas said...

Pumbaa: It's our motto.
Young Simba: What's a motto?
Timon: Nothing. What's a motto with you?

Sorry. I thought it was pretty bad too.

Lisa Marie said...

Gosh, I have GOT to get to IKEA. The nearest one is over 3 hours’ drive but I’m scheming a way to make a trip!
I’m not much good at jokes so here’s a funny story instead. Last summer, my husband and some buddies went mountain biking in Tennessee. It was a high adventure, tough guy type outing. Well, my husband came down a hill too fast, hit a log bridge that was wet, and had his tire go off the side of it. Over the handlebars he went! Apparently (from what I hear) it was a spectacular crash. Unfortunately he landed badly and broke his collarbone. His buddies begrudgingly hauled him off to the emergency room. The girl filling out the paperwork asked him what caused his injury. He told the big spectacular story about the crash. She wrote on his paperwork “Fell off bike.” Who’s a tough guy now?

BillieBee (billiemick) said...

Didn't realize Ikea had fabric.

Barbara said...

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer. . . . and a mop! Get it?

Jo said...

Why do barbers make good drivers?

Because they know all the short cuts.

ok not to funny but I am really bad with jokes. Please count me in for the giveaway

Mimi said...

Sweet fabric!! The people in our town like weak coffee, so weak that you actually have to help it out of the cup! hehehe

James-Linda said...


Nancy D. said...

Ha ha.. Just saw this knock knock joke -
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Debra said...

One of my favorites!

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

quiltzyx said...

I've laughing & laughing....

Jack woke up one morning with a hideous hangover & a black eye, and no idea what happened the night before. On the nightstand he found a flower & a lovely note from his wife, saying that his breakfast was ready downstairs & she had gone to the market to buy food to make his favorite dinner that night.
He got up & went downstairs & his son was at the table eating breakfast. He asked his son if he knew what had happened last night.
His son laughed & told him "Dad, when you got home last night you were totally sauced! You tripped over a chair & that's how you got the black eye."
So Jack asked him, "But why did your mom leave me a flower & this nice note upstairs?"
Now, really cracking up, his son says "Well, mom helped you upstairs to bed, and when she started to take your clothes off, you pushed her away and yelled "Stop that! I'm married!""

If Toys Could Talk said...

Here's mine (found at

The quilter died and went up to the Pearly Gates. (It doesn’t start well, but it gets better….) There, she was faced with a choice: she had lived her life so that she could either go to Heaven, or Hell – her choice. She was pretty sure this would have all been decided by now, and she was pretty sure where she wanted to go, but she was also a very curious quilter.

She asked Saint Peter if she could just take a look at what might be awaiting her in Hell.

They entered a huge room (anyone ever been to the Houston Quilt Festival? Bigger than that!), with tables and chairs. There were quite a few pleasant looking quilters sitting everywhere. But it was what was in the middle of each table that caught her attention: a wonderful huge pile of fabric. She thought she’d died and gone to Heaven!!!

She made up her mind on the spot, and turned to Saint Peter: “I know that Heaven is probably very nice, but I’ve decided that I want to stay here, thank you.”

As the door closed quietly behind him for all eternity, everyone at the tables turned to her with a smile on their faces and said, with one voice:

“Did you bring the needles?”


Thanks for the great giveaway!

Sunni @Love Affair with my Brother said...

I'm not sure why, but I have always liked this joke;

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it takes years of hard work, and the lightbulb really has to WANT to change!

producedlocally said...

In honor of two of Noah's (my kid, not the Bible one) favorite animals:

What do you get when you mix an elephant with a rhino?

Elephino? (El-if-I-know, in case you read it as an Italian name instead...)

Do you have IKEA where you are? So jealous...

819545a0-663d-11e0-88c0-000bcdcb5194 said...

The worse the pun, the louder the here goes
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Sorry lol....but thanks for the cool chance to win!

annmarie said...

I live hundreds of miles from an IKEA - didn't know they had fabric! Cute, cute. Thanks for the chance.

OK so "What's the hardest thing about bein an octypus?"

Washing his hands before dinner!

Slovenka said...

Does anybody check yourself after a spellchecker? I quite often do a spellcheck after my boss and there are often some quirky sentences that completely change the overall meaning.
So, here is the one from yesterday:'Our company is asking to relive the pressure on the situation.' ...It was supposed to be 'relieve the pressure'.

Nancy Sue said...

Why does a chicken coup have only 2 doors?
If it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan. (Hubby's joke, sorry :)