Lots of first time parents worry about what their kids will be like. I think the best way to ensure your child turns out to be a winner is to bombard him with images of ferocity from birth.
People ask me if I've started nesting. The answer is yes, and no. When you are waiting for your husband to come home from across the world so you can move across the country and then have a baby a few weeks later, nesting is kind of a. insignificant, and b. impossible.
But recently I have had urges to hunt and gather for our wild cave-baby. However, the thought of moving buttloads of baby stuff is not appealing. So I satiate myself with small projects.
Pictured above is the first of a series of four seriously badass nursery paintings. I dare you- no, I triple-dog dare you to find a more hardcore image to lull your newborn to sleep with dreams of blood-drenched battles of fierce animal encounters struggling for territorial rights. I even found this website that pitted the komodo dragon against an alligator, and obvi, the dragon won. Everybody knows you can only defeat a dragon, or any member of it's family, with a lance and full armor. Your odds of survival (let's face it, that's what you really hope for when you face a dragon. Victory would be audacious.) rise if you're a man. This woman was stupid enough to be a woman.
Bug is going to be born reeking with khutspe. I probably won't even have to push; he'll just bust out swinging the umbilical cord like nun chucks, taking down a couple nurses before he realizes there isn't imminent danger. Just when he feels safe with us, I'll have the Rabbi come in for the Brit Milah (circumcision ceremony).
Eventually I want to write stories that go with each painting.
Next up: the grizzly bear.
"If you have to be a bear, be a grizzly."